Intelligent Design and Thanksgiving....

It's been too long since my last rant, Father....

Recently, it has come to my attention that the Dover, PA school board wants to add the "Intelligent Design" idea to their science curriculum. That's right people, Creationism's last hurrah has reared it's ugly head yet again.

Is it just me, or do we only see this kind of stupidity in red states????

Leaving that particular notion aside, I'd like to take a few moments to comment on this idea...


fucking morons!

I feel much better....

Seriously, though, what is Intelligent Design, you ask? Well, I found a website that tries really, really hard to explain it. If I wasn't such a cynic, this would be really funny. If you're one of the curious, head to http://www.intelligentdesignnetwork.org/.

However, if you're a lazy son of a bitch (like me), then I'll try to explain it to you. ID is the notion that evolution cannot possibly tell the whole story. Basically, those who ascribe to ID think the universe as we know it is the product of more than random chance...someone's got to be at the wheel.

Poor deluded fools...

Adherents of Intelligent Design believe in a Creator. They do so in the face of absolutely know evidence. They also claim to be scientists looking for objective answers to the problem of our origins. I have to ask, though, how can you objectively determine intelligent design in the absence of that controlling, creative intelligence?

Perhaps better put, the only way to find objective evidence of Intelligent Design is to find objective evidence of a Creator. Otherwise, the conclusions reached are inherently subjective. Don't believe me? Fine. It doesn't change the fact that I'm right...

Now, I have nothing against religion, or faith. Though I personally do not ascribe to either notion, I accept that my opinion on the subject is the minority opinion, and that I may very well be incorrect. If, for example, Jesus Christ comes back to the world, you can bet I'll be first on line. "Jesus, I was wrong. Apparently, you are the Son of G-d. My bad."

In my humble opinion, using science to find a Creator is like using science to underpin the notion of racial superiority. BAD SCIENCE IS DANGEROUS, NO MATTER HOW NOBLE THE GOAL

Then again, I have another way of proving Intelligent Design is utter and complete bullshit. If there is some intelligent, driving force behind the universe, why the hell are there so many fucking morons out there? Think about it: what possible purpose can morons be in an intelligently designed system? Sickness I understand; poverty and greed I can grasp. Hell, hatred and violence make sense if there's someone pulling all the strings...but stupidity?

Intelligent Design promoters are the same people that believe in a benevolent, all-knowing, all-seeing deity. The same deity that smites down the wicked, lifts up the good, and performs parlor tricks we call miracles. Sure, why not? If I had to pick a deity, I'd want one who loved me, hated my enemies, and could turn water into wine at the drop of a hat, too.

But, if this deity is so benevolent, why is it that a significant percentage of the population is ridiculously ignorant? Is it "intelligent" to design a world with so many annoyances? Is it "intelligent" to design a world where so many need a guiding hand? Is it "intelligent" to design a world where people are more concerned with extra-value meals (that have no value at all) and looking good than they are concerned with keeping the world they live in a clean, healthy place? Is it "intelligent" to introduce mass psychosis, serial killers, and televangelists upon an unsuspecting populace?

Hell's no!

Look, evolution may not be the precisely correct answer. We are never going to know that answer; that's why it's still referred to as a theory. It is not "the Rule of Evolution." Or, the "Evolutionary Constant." It's a theory because there is no way to prove it. It happens to be a good theory, though. It certainly fits all the available data. It certainly makes a lot of sense, intuitively. In fact, we have even observed evolution in action.

In comes Intelligent Design, claiming "sure, we like evolution, but it's dissatisfying to us. We don't like it that random chance put us here. We don't like it that random chance gave us two legs, two arms, and really weird genitals. We don't like it that our brains are so advanced that nothing else on the planet is remotely comparable to us. We're scared and want a blanket to cover us and makes us feel better."

Hey, I don't like inflation, pollution, or Republicans. I don't like coconuts, either. Thing is, just because I don't like certain things about the world I live in, doesn't mean I get to pull the ultimate trump card out, just to make myself feel better.

People who believe Intelligent Design is a good theory must think their Creator is sitting on a cloud somewhere, dressed in a white lab coat, mixing bright green fluids with bright orange ones, while a cool, blue liquid somehow works its way through a spiral tube of glass in the background. Maybe there's some Jacob's Ladders behind him, too...just zapping away.

If there is a Creator, he/she/it is not a mad scientist. He/she/it is not sitting there at a really powerful computer, checking up on the universe like some colossal version of the Sims.

Live in the now, people. Be thankful for what you have, and who you have to share it with. Be courteous and kind to others, but not because there's some "eternal reward" waiting for you. Do it because altruism is better than the alternative. Do it because, if everyone acted selflessly, this world would be a better, more enjoyable place.

Besides, do you REALLY think your deity of choice is fooled? The idea of heaven is pleasant, so far as ideas go, but think about it. It's like being good for a month, so Santa will put your name on the "Nice" list. Santa's not fooled, and neither is your deity (if they exist, and if they're as smart as you tell me.) Are you fooled by a child who acts properly, because he's afraid of the consequences if he doesn't?

Newsflash: acting selflessly is the opposite of being good because you want something out of it in the end. That is acting selfishly, and you can bet that if there is a Heaven, they know the difference over there.

Happy Thanksgiving...and remember to smack a Republican.