Intelligent Design and Thanksgiving....

It's been too long since my last rant, Father....

Recently, it has come to my attention that the Dover, PA school board wants to add the "Intelligent Design" idea to their science curriculum. That's right people, Creationism's last hurrah has reared it's ugly head yet again.

Is it just me, or do we only see this kind of stupidity in red states????

Leaving that particular notion aside, I'd like to take a few moments to comment on this idea...


fucking morons!

I feel much better....

Seriously, though, what is Intelligent Design, you ask? Well, I found a website that tries really, really hard to explain it. If I wasn't such a cynic, this would be really funny. If you're one of the curious, head to http://www.intelligentdesignnetwork.org/.

However, if you're a lazy son of a bitch (like me), then I'll try to explain it to you. ID is the notion that evolution cannot possibly tell the whole story. Basically, those who ascribe to ID think the universe as we know it is the product of more than random chance...someone's got to be at the wheel.

Poor deluded fools...

Adherents of Intelligent Design believe in a Creator. They do so in the face of absolutely know evidence. They also claim to be scientists looking for objective answers to the problem of our origins. I have to ask, though, how can you objectively determine intelligent design in the absence of that controlling, creative intelligence?

Perhaps better put, the only way to find objective evidence of Intelligent Design is to find objective evidence of a Creator. Otherwise, the conclusions reached are inherently subjective. Don't believe me? Fine. It doesn't change the fact that I'm right...

Now, I have nothing against religion, or faith. Though I personally do not ascribe to either notion, I accept that my opinion on the subject is the minority opinion, and that I may very well be incorrect. If, for example, Jesus Christ comes back to the world, you can bet I'll be first on line. "Jesus, I was wrong. Apparently, you are the Son of G-d. My bad."

In my humble opinion, using science to find a Creator is like using science to underpin the notion of racial superiority. BAD SCIENCE IS DANGEROUS, NO MATTER HOW NOBLE THE GOAL

Then again, I have another way of proving Intelligent Design is utter and complete bullshit. If there is some intelligent, driving force behind the universe, why the hell are there so many fucking morons out there? Think about it: what possible purpose can morons be in an intelligently designed system? Sickness I understand; poverty and greed I can grasp. Hell, hatred and violence make sense if there's someone pulling all the strings...but stupidity?

Intelligent Design promoters are the same people that believe in a benevolent, all-knowing, all-seeing deity. The same deity that smites down the wicked, lifts up the good, and performs parlor tricks we call miracles. Sure, why not? If I had to pick a deity, I'd want one who loved me, hated my enemies, and could turn water into wine at the drop of a hat, too.

But, if this deity is so benevolent, why is it that a significant percentage of the population is ridiculously ignorant? Is it "intelligent" to design a world with so many annoyances? Is it "intelligent" to design a world where so many need a guiding hand? Is it "intelligent" to design a world where people are more concerned with extra-value meals (that have no value at all) and looking good than they are concerned with keeping the world they live in a clean, healthy place? Is it "intelligent" to introduce mass psychosis, serial killers, and televangelists upon an unsuspecting populace?

Hell's no!

Look, evolution may not be the precisely correct answer. We are never going to know that answer; that's why it's still referred to as a theory. It is not "the Rule of Evolution." Or, the "Evolutionary Constant." It's a theory because there is no way to prove it. It happens to be a good theory, though. It certainly fits all the available data. It certainly makes a lot of sense, intuitively. In fact, we have even observed evolution in action.

In comes Intelligent Design, claiming "sure, we like evolution, but it's dissatisfying to us. We don't like it that random chance put us here. We don't like it that random chance gave us two legs, two arms, and really weird genitals. We don't like it that our brains are so advanced that nothing else on the planet is remotely comparable to us. We're scared and want a blanket to cover us and makes us feel better."

Hey, I don't like inflation, pollution, or Republicans. I don't like coconuts, either. Thing is, just because I don't like certain things about the world I live in, doesn't mean I get to pull the ultimate trump card out, just to make myself feel better.

People who believe Intelligent Design is a good theory must think their Creator is sitting on a cloud somewhere, dressed in a white lab coat, mixing bright green fluids with bright orange ones, while a cool, blue liquid somehow works its way through a spiral tube of glass in the background. Maybe there's some Jacob's Ladders behind him, too...just zapping away.

If there is a Creator, he/she/it is not a mad scientist. He/she/it is not sitting there at a really powerful computer, checking up on the universe like some colossal version of the Sims.

Live in the now, people. Be thankful for what you have, and who you have to share it with. Be courteous and kind to others, but not because there's some "eternal reward" waiting for you. Do it because altruism is better than the alternative. Do it because, if everyone acted selflessly, this world would be a better, more enjoyable place.

Besides, do you REALLY think your deity of choice is fooled? The idea of heaven is pleasant, so far as ideas go, but think about it. It's like being good for a month, so Santa will put your name on the "Nice" list. Santa's not fooled, and neither is your deity (if they exist, and if they're as smart as you tell me.) Are you fooled by a child who acts properly, because he's afraid of the consequences if he doesn't?

Newsflash: acting selflessly is the opposite of being good because you want something out of it in the end. That is acting selfishly, and you can bet that if there is a Heaven, they know the difference over there.

Happy Thanksgiving...and remember to smack a Republican.

Because it's nearly three in the morning, and I'm not getting any weirder

That isn't strictly true. I am getting weirder. Just not right now. I think if hit my quotient for the day.

I am at a dilemma-point. I am nearly finished with law school, and I have absolutely no idea what comes next. I don't really want to be a lawyer. At least, I don't think I do. Not right now, anyway.

Unfortunately, "Jedi" is pretty much out as a career path; "Supermodel Dentist" is closer to my grasp at this point.

My life has devolved into a series of predictable and ultimately unfulfilling episodes. Wake up, piss, fart, shower, dress, leave apartment, forget something in apartment, go back, leave apartment, go to class, play FreeCell during lecture, eat, go to class, come home, eat, watch tv, masturbate.

Rinse and repeat. And don't forget to wash behind your ears and between your toes, darling.

I never go out anymore. I never meet new people. I never spend my nights drunk and dancing with random women to crappy hip hop anymore. (Yeah, I actually used to do that for a time...) I eat McDonald's because it's next door, and I think I'm going to win the Monopoly game. I smoke Marlboro Lights, because I can't handle anything harsher anymore. Hell, my lungs can hardly take the Lights these days. I joined a gym, and haven't been since Rosh Hashana.

When was the last time I got blind, stinking drunk amongst true friends? When was the last time I spoke eloquently? When was the last time I wasn't pissed off at something I have no possible way to change?

Why do I wish I still had my old friends around, even though everyone's moved on and forgotten each other? Why does that happen? You spend four or five years doing absolutely everything with a group of loving, like-minded individuals, knowing how lucky you are to have made yourself such a wonderful place in the universe, and then it all goes away.

Friend Entropy, the slow moving-apart of individuals. You never consciously decide to stop speaking to each other. Life happens, gets in the way, makes you care less, and makes you careless.

And then, one afternoon, you wake up to find yourself in a new city, with new friends. But they really aren't friends, they're the people you spend your day with, wishing you had your friends. But they're miles away, living lives without you.

You like to think to yourself that they miss you as much as you miss them, but you know better. Don't you? If they think about you, it's only in the context of a story told to one of their new friends, and instead of having a name, you're "this guy I went to school with."

Where's the romance in that?

It's melancholy bullshit that keeps me going these days. Day in, breathe out. Keep it coming, because I'm on a roll. Don't throw me a curveball, or I'll miss it and be back on the bench, watching everyone else play the game.

So I'm playing the game. I just wish I knew whose team I'm playing on.

Election Day (or, Shuffling the Same Shit Around)

Can you tell I voted for Kerry?

Now, I consider myself a man driven by common sense and pragmatism. I also consider myself a liberal. If you ask anyone who knows me, they might disagree with Statement #1, and they might say "raving liberal is more accurate." In the end, does it really matter?

Probably not

So, I went out and voted today, for Kerry, in Kentucky. Riiiiiight. Just throw that vote away, buddy-boy. Imagine my surprise when Kerry took 44% of the Kentucky vote. Bush won, as expected, but at least there are a good number of people in this bass-ackwards state with Brain.

Then again, these same people passed a CONSTITUTIONAL BAN ON GAY MARRIAGE today, too, so maybe they are more like Pooh than I thought (being persons of little Brain.)

Seriously, people, let's just look at this "preserving the sanctity of marriage" bullshit. The idea is, G-d says marriage is "one man, one woman." Great, what's G-d's opinion on "one man, one woman, one pregnant mistress who just turned 19?" Or "one man, one woman, another man who the wife and kids think is just "Daddy's hunting buddy"?" Or "one man, one woman, until it gets too difficult, and we decide to get divorced?" I could go on forever with this...

The Defense of Marriage Act of 1996 (DOMA) was a stupid, puritan, and reactionary piece of legislative mung when it was passed. Now, we're not only letting states decide if they'll let gays marry, but also letting them decide if they want to follow the United States Constitution.

Ever hear of something called "Full Faith and Credit?"

Basically, each state is bound, under our Constitution, to give as much weight to the laws of its sister states as it does its own.

Apparently, when the Founding Fathers wrote that clause, they must not have meant for gay rights to be included.

It just makes me sick to think that, of the 9 states consider such an amendment this year, 8 voted it in. Overwhelmingly. I guess the liberal 90's really are dead.

So, Bush won Florida now. Great. And he'll likely win Ohio. Kerry needs Ohio, Michigan, Minnesota, and Wisconsin to win. Looks like 4 more years.


Someone shoot me.


Please.